Let Go

 "You need a root canal."

Are there a worst diagnosis than this? 

Yes, many. 

I should be thankful for a root canal. For modern dentistry. For an endodontist I trust. I even got a professional discount because my daughter used to be his assistant.

So I awake early. I prepare trying to not think about what lies ahead.

From every experience we learn. Today's lesson was unexpected.

I've been working hard to not being a side seat driver. Or traditionally known as a back-seat driver. It's as if I have control when Tony drives. If I were to move my eyes from the road, something tragic would happen. He NEEDS my set of eyes. 

But I drive him crazy. I can't relax in the car. Every car to the left or right, every car in cross traffic is a potential and tragic car accident. I jump. I flinch. I'm a nuisance to my own husband. 

This didn't just happen overnight. I used to relax when he drove. But then we had a strange occurrence. Tony was driving. It was night. The headlights of the oncoming traffic didn't allow him to see what I could. Across a six-lane major thoroughfare, a little girl was chasing a dog. She'd made it across the first three lanes of traffic and was just about to cross the meridian and into our lane.

"Stop." I firmly and forcefully spoke.

He listened, though he didn't know why, and the timing was orchestrated by the hand of God. I opened the car door, coaxed the dog in, knowing the little girl would follow. She did. We looped around and found her grandpa who was just sick to his heart. He had witnessed the miracle too.  

Ever since, I haven't been able to be just a passenger. I am the purveyor of safe driving.

And yet, I need to let go. I'm not sure how.

While sitting in the dentist chair, I had the same insight. I couldn't orchestrate the surgery. I knew nothing; I couldn't even contribute as my mouth was ajar and incapable. But there I sat. High-strung still believing I had control. Just like when Tony was driving.

Let go. You're not driving. You can't drive; you can't do dentistry.

It worked. The logic. A precedent, even a comparison was made.

But can I do it?