Over the past decade, I've had to learn, like most people, what gender dysphoria means. Unlike most people, I've watched it happen to teenagers I've cared for, taught, and loved.
One of these will undergo bottom surgery next week. Bottom surgery is a reference to the bottom half of his/her body. He/she will begin the process of changing his male genitalia into female genitalia.
His feminizing process began years ago. Hormones. Breast construction. But bottom surgery is a finalizing step into changing his gender.
I've been thinking a lot about her, even though I haven't seen her for four years except on social media.
She's asked for good thoughts and donations to help her in his-her recovery. Not me specifically, but her audience of social media peeps.
I plan to send her a small donation via venmo. I will. I promise, because she has a need, a sincere need. She has called out for help, and it's too hard to not answer the call.
I haven't done it yet. I only have the weekend to make the move. But I hesitate. I'm trying to understand my hesitation. Am I judging her? Am I discounting the confusion she has felt for a portion of her life? Am I imposing my beliefs upon her?
When I'm honest with myself, I see that I'm holding out hope for her to change her mind. It's not to fit my beliefs or preferences, but it's a hope for clearer understanding. There are several legitimate journal studies that support that young people outgrow gender dysphoria--in some cases 80%. I did not look for studies that support the well being of young adults who do transition. But the evidence is there if looked for.
It is a strange hope. But nonetheless it is real.
There was another student. She was born female. Somewhere, somehow, she felt, saw, discovered that she was really a male. She was embraced, promised financial aid for her change, and...then she hesitated.
She remained female. Realized her truth. Ten years passed, and she's intensely grateful she is still female.
I want my small donation to say I care. I don't want it to be part of the political, emotional, and potentially negative results of her decision. But it carries no weight as to how it will be received and perceived.
I can only do what I know is right. It is right to care. Never wrong, but still I hesitate.
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