We are home...but given the plethora of things to write about, it will seem as if we are still in Mexico for another week. Adios!
Here in palapa land, there is more time to think than usual. There is no schedule, no meetings, no car to drive anywhere. For the first part of the trip, there was no fall back for this extra time. No internet, no movies no text thread to enjoy with the children.
When my head was about to burst from hours of reading, when we’d already hiked two hours, eaten, and swam, all that was left was time to think. Lots of it.
But I didn’t always like where my drifting boat of thinking landed. It was rudderless, and I tended to visit past hurts or mistakes. I found anger and sadness in the port, and wondered if this is why the at-home diversions had become a pattern—to avoid the tempest tossed sea of regret and anger. Yet, in my heart, I wanted to wander safely. To think and create, but first I had to get past this pounding shore that kept me from calmer seas.
Thich Nhat Hanh writes that our anger is like a crying baby. “When the mother picks up the distraught baby and tenderly holds him in her arms, the child starts to feel better already. When anger is embraced by mindfulness, it too begins to calm down.”
I needed to pick up my crying babies. Soothe them, hold them. Give them time, and once I did, they made way for other thoughts.
I didn’t solve any of the past problems that came up . Time and place had made them unchangeable, unfixable—I just needed to give them time. To file them away, or address them and send them off.
Thich Nhat Hanh equates dealing with past anger to a burning house. When we return to our home from running errands and find our house on fire, we do not run from that fire. We do not run to find the arsonist. We deal with the fire so it does not destroy our house.
As the vacation days pass, I am more comfortable with thinking. I’m not afraid of what may surface from the water, for I know to pick it up and soothe it. Once it has calmed, the thoughts go away. It has made room for other, more welcome thoughts. Desires to connect with people. Desires to be more open and giving. Creative ideas.
First the babies had to be calmed; now they are ready to play.
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