Many years ago, I had a few experiences, all within a short time of each other, from which I learned how important minor encounters with people can be.
The first incident happened on a hike through a California canyon. There was a group of girls walking in front of me, and one girl in particular was loud and obnoxious in her speech. My impatient self wanted to say something, but my better self tempered my weakness. It wasn't a year later when this young woman was a student in my class. If I had spoken....
The second incident was with a businesswoman who ordered the blinds for my home. When they arrived, they were ill fitting and the woman took her scissors and cut the ends to fit. It seemed like a horrid solution, but it worked. Again, I was upset but clung to my better self. Within a few days I unexpectedly encountered her in a social situation. Once again I was thankful I hadn't overreacted over window coverings and I could greet her with kindness. If I had spoken....
A few weeks ago, I ran into a precious, former student, at Barnes and Noble (Hooray, she's still a reader). It was a joyful reuniting. We talked and in the process, I invited her to accompany me to the Ladies' Literary Society opening gala. How appropriate an occasion for a former AP Lit student! What a lovely event to share with a former student.
On a visit to my local college library, I started to wonder if I might run into a former student. Within a minute of that thought, I heard a voice I knew and loved: Christian! We reminisced in the spare minute he had before his class. What joy!
I'm standing in the school hall, or in a classroom and in walks--!--!--Ramya; another day it's Taylor; and another time it's Mitch;..an email from Joe and Eliza, and one day the doorbell rings--"Come on in Colin!"
There is great joy in seeing a former student. A person with whom you spent a lot of time with and who influenced you as much as you influenced him. A person who may remember more details of your life than your own children. A person with whom it seems, you spent more time with than your own children. A person whom it is a privilege to know and associate with.
Thinking of student relationships as lifetime relationships is a game changer.
This person who enters our lives for a one semester or a two semester relationship may actually turn up in our lives for a lot longer than expected. Some teachers teach their students' children. We must care for these relationships as carefully as we would nurture a family member. And sometimes this means restraint as I found in my first two examples. Sometimes it means holding our tongues and breathing with a sigh of relief...If I had spoken...
Once I found myself having to speak. If I hadn't, it would have been at the expense of a students' growth. That one student. That student who asked if he could look up a poem on my computer and read it to the class. Of course! I was thrilled he'd found poetry worthy of sharing. And then he read to my whole class of naive ninth graders--a dirty poem with hidden and blatant sexual innuendos. It caught me off guard and took a few lines to process the meaning before I shut him down. It wasn't until after class when I remembered how he bullied students, how he punched a student, how he disrespected others' opinions, that I had to act. Had to speak. It was uncomfortable. As we both sat in the vice principal's office, he was apologetic and he recognized his mistake. Administration had the foresight to move him to a different class which was better for him, a place where he thrived, but a kind of failure for me. That one student. That one student who when we saw each other in the halls, we looked the other way. But I was the adult, and I wanted peace. I started saying hello and I was ignored. I persisted. And one day, we had a conversation. I cared about this student, I still do, and foremost I believe I did the best thing for him.
Will he ever accompany me to a Literary Society Meeting? Ask me for a letter of recommendation? Come back to visit? No, and it's ok, but whether I like it or not, whether he likes it or not, we were a part of each other's lives. The effects of our relationship still haunt me. If I see him again, which seems inevitable, I will greet him with gusto and hope he tells me of his post high school success. I even hope he will mention the incident and with the years between his poor choice, my understanding of his one time immaturity, we will somehow share a laugh.
The first incident happened on a hike through a California canyon. There was a group of girls walking in front of me, and one girl in particular was loud and obnoxious in her speech. My impatient self wanted to say something, but my better self tempered my weakness. It wasn't a year later when this young woman was a student in my class. If I had spoken....
The second incident was with a businesswoman who ordered the blinds for my home. When they arrived, they were ill fitting and the woman took her scissors and cut the ends to fit. It seemed like a horrid solution, but it worked. Again, I was upset but clung to my better self. Within a few days I unexpectedly encountered her in a social situation. Once again I was thankful I hadn't overreacted over window coverings and I could greet her with kindness. If I had spoken....
A few weeks ago, I ran into a precious, former student, at Barnes and Noble (Hooray, she's still a reader). It was a joyful reuniting. We talked and in the process, I invited her to accompany me to the Ladies' Literary Society opening gala. How appropriate an occasion for a former AP Lit student! What a lovely event to share with a former student.
On a visit to my local college library, I started to wonder if I might run into a former student. Within a minute of that thought, I heard a voice I knew and loved: Christian! We reminisced in the spare minute he had before his class. What joy!
I'm standing in the school hall, or in a classroom and in walks--!--!--Ramya; another day it's Taylor; and another time it's Mitch;..an email from Joe and Eliza, and one day the doorbell rings--"Come on in Colin!"
There is great joy in seeing a former student. A person with whom you spent a lot of time with and who influenced you as much as you influenced him. A person who may remember more details of your life than your own children. A person with whom it seems, you spent more time with than your own children. A person whom it is a privilege to know and associate with.
Thinking of student relationships as lifetime relationships is a game changer.
This person who enters our lives for a one semester or a two semester relationship may actually turn up in our lives for a lot longer than expected. Some teachers teach their students' children. We must care for these relationships as carefully as we would nurture a family member. And sometimes this means restraint as I found in my first two examples. Sometimes it means holding our tongues and breathing with a sigh of relief...If I had spoken...
Once I found myself having to speak. If I hadn't, it would have been at the expense of a students' growth. That one student. That student who asked if he could look up a poem on my computer and read it to the class. Of course! I was thrilled he'd found poetry worthy of sharing. And then he read to my whole class of naive ninth graders--a dirty poem with hidden and blatant sexual innuendos. It caught me off guard and took a few lines to process the meaning before I shut him down. It wasn't until after class when I remembered how he bullied students, how he punched a student, how he disrespected others' opinions, that I had to act. Had to speak. It was uncomfortable. As we both sat in the vice principal's office, he was apologetic and he recognized his mistake. Administration had the foresight to move him to a different class which was better for him, a place where he thrived, but a kind of failure for me. That one student. That one student who when we saw each other in the halls, we looked the other way. But I was the adult, and I wanted peace. I started saying hello and I was ignored. I persisted. And one day, we had a conversation. I cared about this student, I still do, and foremost I believe I did the best thing for him.
Will he ever accompany me to a Literary Society Meeting? Ask me for a letter of recommendation? Come back to visit? No, and it's ok, but whether I like it or not, whether he likes it or not, we were a part of each other's lives. The effects of our relationship still haunt me. If I see him again, which seems inevitable, I will greet him with gusto and hope he tells me of his post high school success. I even hope he will mention the incident and with the years between his poor choice, my understanding of his one time immaturity, we will somehow share a laugh.