Tony has a Friday night obligation. Having expected his company, I'm left to decide on the Friday night party for myself. The national pastime wins by default: Netflx.
I browse the titles looking for something new, unusual, and always: entertaining.
I've learned that the TV Mature isn't for me. Language, violence, etc--it's always too much. Why would I sit and watch one person take the life of another, even if it's make-believe? But tonight, I take a chance; the premise of this series is just too intriguing.
Within the first twenty minutes a sexually explicit and vulgar scene without any warning pops into the screen. I drop my head, close my eyes, shut out the sound and wait until it passes--ahhh, I remember--this is the show my daughters were talking about, and according to them, it's the best premise, the best plotted, the best unexpected-twist, show on current television. They also spoke about the vivid scenes in which they too had to shut their eyes and fast forward. But there are only two scenes, I also remember them saying. The first comes without warning, the second comes with a build-up and plenty of time to fast forward. One can even google information about the show and find the exact episode and minute, and miss it entirely. I text the two daughters, let them know I'm watching the talked-about show.
They inform me of which episode, and the place to skip.
A daughter asks, Does Dad know you're watching?
I find her question highly amusing: he's not my father.
I binge watch through episode six, and finally turn off the show at midnight, crawl into bed wondering how it could possibly end. And that the show takes a spiritual turn justifies the evil one must slog through...or so I think.
The next morning I awake and sit down to read. My reading isn't at peace. I'm interrupted with the images, the profanity, and the violence of the previous night's show. I'm even surprised I slept well given how my mind is fighting the visual images.
My mental war begins: I can't watch the show anymore. Yes I can, there's only two episodes left. I can't escape the images. But the show is so interesting. You're lying to yourself. I skipped the bad parts. But you can't skip the context of the show, the language, the cruelty, the murders.
What do I want out of life? I want peace, I want to pray to God with confidence.
That's it. The choice is easy when I recognize it puts a wall between seeking the Lord and my ability to seek. Personal purity is diluted when I choose harshness over peace.
I text the girls my personal resolve, and find out how the first season ends. Yes, it's absolutely beautiful, but personal peace is far greater than fictional peace that only comes after the long fictional horror.