My thirty + year old niece has been deliberating for at least five years whether or not to have children. She loves children; both she and her husband are kind, patient and....they don't want to break the spell. As it is now, they can be the fun aunt and uncle who special order shark pinatas, who buy little Tom's shoes, who can hand the baby back when it cries. They enjoy everyone else's children without the late nights, the no-sleep-nights, the spit up, the babysitter-just-canceled moments. Can we blame her?
But this isn't about my niece, because we're not allowed to talk about her recent come-to-terms with the BIG decision. She's decided to try and have children! And this is what her mother, my sister, wants to talk to her about! All the time! But she's told her mother, "You're not allowed to talk about it."
To which she responded, "You're lucky I haven't gone shopping yet."
My niece knows that having a child is a gift--with everyone knowing her desires---so much pressure. Is she pregnant yet? Fertility isn't always a given and she knows not what the years ahead hold for her I want a family journey.
Since the future grandma can't mention it anymore, neither can the future great grandma mention it anymore, ---they only have each other.
Their conversation this morning:
Grandma to be: "I told her a long time ago, that she couldn't depend on me to be her babysitter. That sort of killed it for her."
Great grandma to be: "Well, when he or she is little, I can even take care of it. It's just when it gets older and it has to be chased around that I can't. I have a friend who had so much fun caring for her first great granddaughter, but when the mother had a second and had to hold the second while chasing the first, she told her granddaughter she was too old to do it."
Grandma to be: "What if she has twins? We don't know one side of the family's history and we don't know if there are any twins."
Great Grandma to be: "Twins would be a dream come true for her. She'd have her family in one package.
Grandma to be: "I would help her out."
Great Grandma to be: "We can both take care of them together."
Grandma to be, "I can go to her house everyday and help. You could come to."
Great Grandma to be: "Of course I'll come help."
Grandma to be: "That will be so much fun."
Me ( a distant part of the conversation on speaker phone: "You two are hysterical. There is no baby yet and you've already planned your schedule for watching the twins."
They laugh-- not even the reality of no baby can damper their happy anticipation.
Since the gag order was implemented, they only have each other to imagine the possibility of another person, a baby in their lives, and so they secretly plan their new lives together. All four of them. Shhhhhh.....