Monday, July 27, 2015

The Inevitable Wedding Emergencies

With only ten minutes before we have to leave, I hurry upstairs to put on my mother-of-the bride dress, carefully chosen months ago on a shopping excursion with the girls.

Tony, always prepared and ready to go before me, sits in the chair reading. "What's that on your dress?"

I follow his eyes to the hem of my dress. No! It can't be! Not now. Please not now. How silly I will look if...if...I can't remove the dreaded security tag attached to clothing to deter a would-be thief. Why didn't the sales lady remove it? Why didn't it set off the store alarm?

This has happened before, and it was only a minor nuisance, because it wasn't my daughter's wedding day!

How did I let this happen? Doesn't a woman try on such an important dress several times before the event?

Go with it, I hear my calmer, happy self whisper. Laugh it off. It's even funny. It's part of the unexpected vicissitudes of life and weddings. If this is the worst thing that happens, then we get off easy, right? I go with it, at least for the moment, because there's not much of a choice to do otherwise. On the way to the ceremony, I call Nordstrom. I explain the situation and they are happy to help in my dire need and especially since their sales person didn't remove the tag. A customer service representative will meet me with a security tag remover, but not until after the ceremony, so I truly must go with it.

I walk into the pre-ceremony meeting room and the mother of the groom, the sister-in-law, the female guests, all gasp. Truly a woman's nightmare. I announce to the line of groomsmen that I didn't steal the dress. I'm not sure they get it, so I've just reinforced the whacky mother-of-the-bride perception.

As promised, I find the cute little customer service rep from Nordstrom waiting for me. As always, she is overly apologetic for a sale woman's mistake, but this time I owe her big. She's there for me in a time of need, of panic; I hug her and tell her I love her, cause I really do. She saved the day.

Wedding morning surprise

As if not trying on the dress wasn't enough to save until the last moment, I also didn't shave my legs until that critical ten minutes before we had to leave, and of course, the razor was missing. Tony offered me his extra electric shaver to which he mildly mentioned that it might not "shave as close as a razor." No worries! No time to worry. I was already the woman in the stolen-looking dress, and I was worried about a close shave? Quickly, I ran the shaver uniformly over my legs, lathered them with lotion and figured the job was done--until the day after when I sat cross legged with my reading glasses on.

"What's that on your leg?" I ask myself.

No!  Surely I didn't spend the whole wedding day with hairy legs. This is much worse than the security tag conundrum, because it passed unnoticed, hopefully only by me. Not even Nordstrom could retroactively save me from ill preparation and consequent humiliation. Lesson learned--the hard way. Again.